The last week has been rough on Amber. I blew up twice at her for her lack of commitment to the things she promised she would do. The shortened context is that around October of 2019, she decided she needed real change in her life, to become happier about herself. This included becoming fitter, stronger mentally, being more confident, and with all of that, improve our overall sex life. When a loved one wishes to start a new project that will ultimately improve themselves, the first thing I do is submit myself to their cause. This actually doesn’t happen often, because most of the time, my friends and family members don’t start new projects that is life changing. Most of them start projects to fulfill a small milestone, that might lead to other things. For me, I am a visionary with an executive’s mindset. I get things done. If someone says, “Leeman, I want you to help me.” the first thing I would do is put down ‘What is my goal’, then basically from there, brainstorm what the entire thing is about. Afterwards, filter it down to the basic necessities to get the ball rolling and create milestones as stepping stones to the end goal. Also, I envision things beyond the immediate and medium-term scope of things, just to help with the ‘now’. “What can we make this into, if X Y and Z happens?”
However, don’t mistake me as blowing things out of proportion. Basically, I create the following:
- The Core Ideal and the milestones to get to end game.
- Side venues along the way that could be added/subtracted to benefit the project.
- Extended ideas that might work alongside the Core Ideal.
#1 is the only important part of the entire thing. #2 and #3 are just complementary ideas that are not necessarily a part of the actual workings. However, they aid in the brainstorm.
Anyway, to cut a very long and arduous story short, after short whiles, Amber had proven time and again, that she simply fail to follow through on her commitments. Laura asked me why I would be so whined-up about Amber not doing the things she wanted to do, when it is more about Amber and less about me. The answer is because when Amber asked me for help, I spent countless endless days and hours setting up the project for her, so she doesn’t have to waste precious time and energy dealing with that. History proved that Amber takes so long to get anything done, that she will fail before the project even starts. So I figured I would do the template for her, and all she has to do is just do it.
Basically, instead of having her rely on herself to build up a business from scratch, I build the business for her, and all she had to do was show up. Alas, she couldn’t even show up.
The problem I found, is that she lacks honesty. When I told her to fucking trust me, I meant it. When I say “X”, I mean “X”. I don’t mean “Y” and I don’t mean “Z”. History should have taught her that when I say I will do “X”, it means I will do “X”. It also means when I say, “I promise not to get angry, if you tell me you don’t want to do this, and instead you want to do something else that will benefit you.” it literally means I promise not to get angry if she tells me she wants to do something else other than what we have planned for. However, she constantly fails to trust in my words, even though my words match my deeds and principles. It’s convulsively frustrating. So instead of being honest with me, that she doesn’t want to do “X” and instead wishes to do “Y”, she constantly just says yes to almost everything we plan for.
I have an executive mindset from the decades of doing various business ventures over hundreds of business projects. A lot of the times, we plan for something and it falls through. Yes, it’s irritating, but it doesn’t matter. It only matters we quickly resolve it and move onto the right track. Amber knows this, or at least, she should know this about me, because this is how I have always operated in everything household related. Her personal projects have been axed and filtered down repeatedly over the last year and a half, just because of her constant reversion to a complacent lifestyle.
I have asked for divorce three times within the last six months. Yesterday morning was the third. I don’t ever ask/demand for divorce or break ups lightly. It’s not something that is a part of my daily vocabulary. When I say something, I mean it. So without any context whatsoever, being the doormat I have become, this is the last straw. This is the last time Amber can push my principles around and break me.
We spoke about what she wants to really do, the compromise, etc, and she will stick with it. This is not hopeful thinking. This is literally saying *I* am going to follow through with divorce when Amber next fails her promise and commitments.
So the shift in priorities is like this now:
- She will continue to do her at-home fitness training 3-5 days per week. 3 of them will be focused on the gym with 15 minute cardio each. 2 of them will be focused on 30 minute cardio.
- She will continue to do her feet/mouth-play Instagram social media marketing and OnlyFans on a weekly basis.
- She will continue to keep weekly blogs about her life on ChaosAndBunny.com.
- She will jump-start and consistently work on her new project AmberIsWinningIt.com.
On the side, to complement my own personal projects, but in a casual way without any particular deadlines:
- She will be my gaming channel mascot on Twitch. She will stream ESO, Destiny 2, WoW, and anything else that she/we might play.
- She will show up in some of my Leemanism Youtube videos as a guest.
- Every Friday is a ‘Complete It Today’ day, where we/I list out the things that should have been done over the last week, to be finished off today. This is primarily coinciding household chores, but can also extend to our personal projects as well.
Just to summarize ‘the shift’ and what that actually means:
- Her workout regimen was already created a few months ago. She’s already doing that. So nothing else needs to be done on my part.
- For her more erotic stuff, we will setup her OnlyFans again, since we deleted it last week. Instead of having her do all of the interaction and uploading, I will take up that along with the editing and production I was already doing. This way, Amber will only need to ‘show up’.
- She’s already doing CaB, but every Friday, I will remind her.
- I am hands-off on the progress of AIWI. My role here was to create a website for her, so she can start blogging about her journey. Today, as in June 12th, we will get a basic template rolling and after that, she’s on her own. I will help her when she asks me, but instead of being a producer and manager of her project, I will be an assistant.
Which all of this basically means, is that I will focus just on her erotic OnlyFans/Social Media marketing, while shifting the rest of my time and energy into my own personal projects. The beginning will more about her erotic stuff, but as that tapers into a system of consistent output, I will then switch over to my personal things more.